Finding Identity Beyond the Binary

If someone were to ask me, “When did you discover you are Non-Binary?”, I don’t think I would have an answer. Growing up, I was always told that I must be more feminine, that the way that I walk, talk, sit and stand was too much like a boy. I never understood this distinction. Aren’t we all human? I used to think. What does it matter, the way I dress or stand or walk? I wanted to know what the others could see that I apparently could not. I never felt like a “girl”, nor did I feel like a “boy”. I always felt like I was in between, stuck between what people thought I should be like, and what I really was. But what was I? In school, we used to be divided up as boys and girls. That was all I knew. That one could be a boy, or could be a girl. For someone like me, this felt so abnormal, like the world has been twisted into submission by those who had no imagination.

It was only when I was much older that I realised that my identity was not defined by what others thought of me. That I didn’t have to perform being a girl or a woman, simply because I was born female. I discovered the word Non-Binary. A term that allows fluidity. Gender is a social construct after all. And aren’t social constructs meant to be broken?

Perhaps we need to rewind a bit. Non-Binary. What does that mean? When I found out, it was like a whole new world opened up. So, in the simplest of terms, a non-binary person is someone who does not identify as exclusively a man or a woman. A non-binary individual might feel like a mix of genders, or like they have no gender at all. Have no gender at all? Was that possible?

These were the questions that swirled around in my mind as I took my first step into the concept of allowing myself to be myself. I didn’t have to choose. It was a liberating feeling. To be able to decide how I want to represent myself. To just go with the ebb and flow of the ever changing, ever evolving nature of identity.

This is what I want everyone to know. That you are not just one thing or another, you are multiples. Identity is not fixed, it is always changing, building and growing. But only if we allow ourselves to, only if the environment around us nurtures us. It is our responsibility to create workspaces, and hence, environments which nurture our workforces. As identities evolve, so do skills, knowledge and understanding. We have to allow for that to occur. Let us create spaces where everyone feels safe and comfortable to be themselves, whether that means walking like a man, sitting like a girl, or talking like an alien. We are who we are, and the spaces around us must help us thrive.